Today we’d like to introduce you to Otto Macfarlane.
Hi Otto, thanks for sharing your story with us. To start, maybe you can tell our readers some of your backstory.
I have loved creating things ever since I was a kid. But my love of stories and reading started with my dad and Carnegie libraries of Pittsburgh. I remember being really young and going to the library with my dad and older sister on Weekends. He would read to me sometimes, or we’d watch movies. I wanted nothing more than to create stories similar to the books I’d read or from the movies we’d rent from family video. I was initially a very quiet kid and often bottled up my feelings. As I got older life kind of took a negative turn for me. I experienced something traumatic very young and that led to me being very institutionalized. I was 12 years old the first time I tried to kill myself. I was hospitalized upwards of 15 times. I had tried every medication, I was in placement facilities, in partial programs and iops, everyone around me knew that I wanted to kill myself but determining the “why” came down to me and the only place where I felt like I could be honest was in my notebooks. I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder at the age of 15. This kickstarted a life long journey of self acceptance and attempt at healing. The thing about having bipolar disorder is that it is often overlooked as a disability. Having the issues and lived experiences I did compiled with being a queer person absolutely amplified the way I would repress my troubles. But what I know from back then is what led me to where I am now. I graduated college and am currently working on my masters in social work. I currently do street outreach for the unhoused population. I have grown into my voice and have allowed myself the space to grow from the quiet, traumatized, queer kid into a mental health professional that wants nothing more than to advocate for those who need it most. Despite all of these changes, writing to me has always been more than a hobby. There has never been an era of my life where I wasn’t writing – It is a part of me, it is a limb. When I started working on my book a few years ago so much of it came from what was happening around me and so much of it also came from my inner teenager who wanted to scream “fuck the system”. That is why it is titled “catharsis” because I have grown up! I’ve allowed myself the opportunity to live. I have looked to characters a lot like me – more specifically Charlie from the perks of being a wallflower and I would write to them too. Because even when no one knows what’s wrong with me, have known what happened or the “why” I kept writing and have tried to be good.
I’m sure it wasn’t obstacle-free, but would you say the journey has been fairly smooth so far?
Absolutely not. I was a very sad kid that for a period of time was a very unmedicated young adult. I’ve dealt with the imposter syndrome that comes with wanting to do good or be better. I have felt that imposter syndrome in both my professional and personal life. I used to think I’d be dead before I even turned 18, and then I turned 18, and then 21 and so on until I got to where I am now. Mental health is something that has impacted me my entire life. It will never go away, but how it is managed is through practice and adapting to the world around me. When I was released from the hospital for the last time in 2014 I started posting videos of me reading poetry online. I eventually stopped out of a fear of being looked at but I found myself again in college when I started performing at open mic nights. By finding community in artistic spaces I eventually grew more confident in my writing and it eventually led to me publishing my first poem in YAWP magazine.
Alright, so let’s switch gears a bit and talk business. What should we know about your work?
I work for a newer program that specializes in working with the unhoused population in the city of Pittsburgh. Apart from this – I really aim to make a career for myself through my writing. I think when publishing catharsis it really put into perspective that I am a voice worthy of being heard. I am known for my poetry and am currently working on another book that’ll hopefully be due for editing by late April, but I want to do a little of everything! I’d love to publish fiction one day, I’d love to perform more. I want to keep advocating. I am known for being passionate and caring a lot about what’s happening in the world and people around me. I think in a world where caring is viewed as something radical I want to continue to be viewed as someone that cares deeply.
Is there any advice you’d like to share with our readers who might just be starting out?
Keep writing and don’t allow your fear of being judged get in the way of making art. The world is such an ugly place right now and it is important that we keep making art despite.
I also think it’s important to note that not everything you write is going to be the final draft. Just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean it isn’t worth working on. Give yourself space to make mistakes in your art because it adds to the authenticity of it all!
Pricing:
- Catharsis is out now! Books are being sold at stay gold books and I’m also selling them independently for 15 dollars.
- In April I will be a part of a few different local open mic events where purchasing will be available
- Ott.writes is my instagram for creative updates. You can also reach out there for a copy of the book!
- You can purchase copies of catharsis at Poetry Lounge as well!
Contact Info:
- Instagram: Ott.owrites
